Psychiatry on Myself

 Beau and I had a pretty good run of things going smoothly. Now as we are headed into year 4, it's a bit bumpy. Mostly it has to do with his kids. On Monday, Stella had counseling with her counselor, Taylor and I had counseling with my counselor, Dave. Taylor wouldn't see her because she said she didn't get the paperwork she needed from Beau along with the ROI for me to talk to her. Dave said to bring her into our session. I thought it went pretty well and it was interesting to hear what Stella had to say about why she doesn't do the dishes on her night or clean up after herself. She said it wasn't fair because Ira never had to do chores when he was her age and they were living with their mom. Also, she said everyone treats her like a little kid, so she doesn't think she should have the same expectations as everyone else. The nurse-practitioner student picked it apart and asked for examples. She said it was mostly the other people in the house who were treating ...

 On my birthday and also mine and Scott's anniversary date, I stupidly stopped by his house and texted him to come out a give me a hug for my birthday. He didn't do it and I said well at least wave, which he did do. It enraged Lisa and she wrote in messenger to me to stay away and stay off their property. She also wrote to Beau. At first I was worried Beau would be upset because I didn't tell him upfront that I went over there on my birthday and told him I wanted to hug him. I explained the truth, which was that I was drunk and thought I could just tell Scott that everything is good and I'm happy and I'm happy for him. But am I? I started thinking about the things I've done to cause problems with him and Lisa. I brought Scott soup when he was sick and dropped off a card with a heart, Summer on it. I have tried to subtly plant seeds of doubt in his mind about Lisa. I called Lisa and told her that Scott has mental health issues and it's because of drugs. I tex...

 I now live my life in happiness and peace. I live in a lovely home at 4155 Spring Mill Way, Maineville, OH 45039. Beau and I worked very hard to make it beautiful. Outside is yellow door, hanging ferns, and a porch swing. Along the side is a garden, Taylor helped me to build. Beau and I have a wonderful relationship. We currently have full custody of his kids, but he is still in the divorce process so not entirely sure we will keep it, but most likely.  Jolie (21) has a room downstairs. She quit Bravo and now works at a daycare. She is in college for early childhood education. She is dating Tyler, who is a few years older than her and a 9th grade math teacher. She seems to really like him, but I don't know him well. She spends about half her time at his house with her dog, Boo. Adrianna (18) graduated high school in May. She works at Bravo and on her way to being a server. She will start college at Cincinnati State in the fall, continuing the ultrasound technology progam she ...

 I guess I haven't used this in quite awhile. So much has happened. I left Scott in 2022. I went with Jolie to Europe in June 2022. While I was there, I Facetimed Beau Holden from the Eiffle Tower. I was told by Jolie's friend's dad, "you know you are going to get divorced, right?" I don't think I fully realized it yet.  What finally broke me was the night when Jason Holtzclaw came over wanting to borrow money. I told Scott not to give it to him, knowing the last time he did, he didn't use it for tires for his truck. Jason has a drug problem (maybe now he's sober, not sure). Scott took him out and got wasted. I went to bed since I had to work the next day. That night, Kristina called me asking if she could come over. I said I was in bed, but she could go meet Scott and Justin up at Twenty Mile Tavern. I got woken up around 3 am by Scott asking me to go upstairs to sleep because he and Jason wanted to mess around. I told him to get the fuck out. They we...

My father has Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is very similar to NPD. My mom tried to tell me things, but I didn't respect her or listen to her. My dad would always make it seem like she was just not smart and I believed him. I worshipped my dad and I believed everything he said until I became an adult and started to unravel my own codependency issues. My mom divorced my dad when I was 11, but she continued to have sex with him and spend time with us as a family. My dad was in jail when I was 13-16 and we moved in with my mom. After my dad got out, he moved into my mom's house. Then we all moved to California. After a year there, my mom moved back to Ohio with my little sister to help her best friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer. I felt abandoned by my mom, but she felt like I didn't need her anymore. This caused me to not listen to her even more. Although we have a better relationship now, I still feel hurt by all the times she and my sisters said I was just...

  MOOD: I am in a irritable mood. I feel depressed at a 4/10. ANXIETY: I feel anxious at 8/10. SITUATIONAL STRESSORS: Scott and I got in an argument when I got home from work. As soon as I got home, he started in about Jolie never doing anything around here. Then he said she'll be 18 soon and she will move away for college and Adi will get the BMW. Afterwards, we fought for about an hour. I told him no matter how long of a day I've had, I still come home to the house being a disaster. Once again he brought up Jolie and why isn't she here doing things. "All she does is take and never gives back." Now, he's working on the sink and he's frustrated because he can't figure out how to take off the sink handle. He keeps screaming because he is hurting himself. SOMATIC: I'm very tired. My head hurts and my left eyelid feels like I'm getting a stye. I have random stomach cramps. SLEEP: I slept solidly from 11 pm to 8 am. ENERGY: I feel exhausted after w...